Sleep. No Sleep. Whatever.
Praying that he doesn't pee on my pillow-top mattress.
I recently snapped this photo of Ben. He looked so sweet and calm. Sleeping in my bed. Wait – what? You heard me correctly. Yes. I said in my bed. But it wasn’t always like this. Bedtime has certainly become more challenging over the last few years.
“I’m not tired.”
“Mommy, rub my back.”
“I can’t fall asleep.”
“One more song.”
When Ben was a baby, we weren’t into co-sleeping. No judgement here if you do. So, please go preach to someone else. He had a gorgeous, handmade bassinet right next to our bed. We had the same bedtime routine every night. And it worked like a charm. Tubby time. Quiet play time in his room. Reading. Lights out. Sleep. Repeat.
Somewhere between then and now, it’s changed. Drastically. I’ve said goodbye to my perfectly-crafted bedtime routine. I’ve even tried to embrace a flexible bed time. Well – not really. I’m still kind of a crazy lady when it comes to Ben’s actual bed time.
I have always looked forward to reading in bed with Ben. He can read to me now and life is moving forward. A little too fast for my liking.
When Charlie and I got divorced Ben and I shared a room at my parent's house. And when we moved into our apartment almost 4 years ago, I was sleeping on a trundle bed in his room. I would lay there until he fell asleep and didn’t have the heart to leave him. What if he woke up in the middle of the night and I was gone? What if he had a nightmare and couldn’t find me? I told myself it was just going to be until he got adjusted in our new place. Fast forward two years and there I was still on the floor in his room. I couldn’t leave. I didn’t want to leave. Our life was different now and I needed him just as much as he needed me.
You’ll be happy to know that I no longer sleep on the trundle bed. I have upgraded to my own room. Go me! So, when Ben comes in at 2AM and wants to cuddle or has had an accident, my arms (and bed) are wide open. Anyone who knows me well, knows how much I value my sleep. I scheduled my college classes around my nap time. My friends even know the chances of getting a response from me after 9PM is highly unlikely. My queen-size bed feels extremely small with Ben and Rocky and it usually means a night of very little sleep for me. But I wouldn’t want it any other way. One day Ben isn’t going to want to cuddle or read with me at night. For now, I’ll cherish these moments and soak it all in.
