Taking the L

I spent the weekend at a hockey tournament with Ben. It was an amazing experience. He had the opportunity to bond with his teammates, play the game he loves and skate in the championship game. They lost. But what he doesn’t quite know yet is losing is just an important as winning.

Oh my. I can’t believe I just wrote that.

I had the opportunity to win at every level of softball. Pee-wee. Summer ball. High school and college. I had some heart-breaking losses (hello Danvers) and my college softball team went 0-15 in the Big East the year before we played for the Championship. And lost. Whomp.

It’s hard for most 9-year-olds to process their emotions regardless of sports. Of course, they (and parents and coaches) want to win. But what happens when they lose?

Losing teaches them empathy.

Losing shows children that they need to work hard to be successful.

Ben doesn’t like to lose. I don’t know many kids who do. It’s how they handle the losses that matter. Ben has been very fortunate to have some pretty awesome coaches. His first year of travel hockey he learned a very important lesson.

Celebrate in the locker room.

The team was throwing gloves, sticks and sliding all over the ice. His coach quickly put a stop to that. Over the last few years, I’ve been amazed at how some young athletes act on the field. And ice. Or court. Wherever. Throwing gloves. Bats. Talking back to umpires. Youth sports has been an eye-opening experience for me.

Listen. I get it. I was a pretty sore loser (still am) but my parents were always there to put me in my place. They wouldn’t stand for a disrespectful attitude. What did I learn from the loss? How was I going to get better? We had a 24-hour rule. I had 24 hours to process the loss. I could cry (not in the dugout) but I had to move on and put the loss behind me. The older I got the more challenging that was.

I want Ben to be successful. I want him to win championships but more importantly I want him to do his best. I want him to learn how to give 100%. I want him to be a good teammate. I want him to play by the rules. What I don’t want is for him to grow up not being able to handle difficult situations. Every athlete has lost along the way. It’s inevitable. How you handle those losses is how you define true winners.