Part Time Parent?

“How do you handle only being a part-time parent?”

Can you believe that people actually ask me that question? A part-time parent - is that even a thing?  

During the whole divorce process, it never occurred to me how I would feel on my weekends “off” from parenting. I enjoyed our bedtime routine. I looked forward to bath time. I couldn’t imagine not reading with Benjamin every night. I wasn't prepared. I wasn’t ready. Truth is – I’m still not. It’s been 3+ years and even though my weekends without Ben are full, they just are not the same.

Usually my “kid-less” weekends consist of working my second job, grocery shopping, cleaning (ugh) and worrying about what Ben is doing. Did he get to basketball? Is he having fun? Does he feel loved? Did he wash his ears? Sure – going to the grocery store might be a little quicker and going to dinner might mean more adult conversation but I’ll never consider myself a part-time parent.

Co-parenting is a tricky game especially when you don’t see eye-to-eye (MAJOR understatement) with your ex. We recently started a new “parenting plan.” That my friends is the 2018 word for schedule. It eliminates an exchange mid-week and is overall more consistent for Ben. Consistency is key. Ben has always been on some kind of schedule. A nap schedule. A feeding schedule. (My family lovingly used to call me the sleep warden.) Now, a mom/dad schedule. I keep a calendar in his bedroom so Ben can refer to it easily and knows what to expect for the next few weeks. As Ben grows up, I’m sure this rigid plan will become more flexible. It would be nice to have an occasional check in when he is with his dad. Unfortunately, that is not in the cards for us right now. The most important thing is that he knows I’m available and there for him every day not just on “my” days.

Being a part-time parent doesn’t mean I’m not present in Ben’s life half of the time. It just means that I’m not there in a full-time kind of way.