One and Done
I love being a boy mom. But what if I had a daughter too? The thought of having another baby has been creeping in and out of my mind for a long time. I’m the ultimate flip flopper when it comes to this. Kind of like John Kerry circa 2004. I’m all over the place. While it’s true (well – like 95%) that I don’t want any more children, I’m not quite ready to face that hard truth yet. Get a dog – they say. Nope. Not really the same thing.
Photo cred: http://www.rdpkids.com/ - Bob Perachio
For almost 9 years, Ben has been my number one. I feel like I owe that to him for everything he has been through in the last four years. Divorced parents. Two new houses. New stepmom and stepsister. Twin half brother and sister. Would he resent me for having another baby? Probably – he’s made it clear that he already has too many siblings. I can’t let my son control this major life decision, or can I? My heart is confused. I don’t want to do anything to sabotage the great relationship that we share. I want our relationship to continue to grow as he grows.
Photo cred: http://www.rdpkids.com/ - Bob Perachio
What also makes this decision even more tricky is that I’m no spring chicken. I’m not married and I’m slowly approaching 40. Wait – did I just say married? Call me old school or traditional but it’s important to me to do things the “right” way. It’s just the way I was raised. Hell – I couldn’t even tell my grandmother that I was living with my fiancé before we got married. And I don’t think my mother would be too pleased either. Look, I’m not trying to start trouble with people who do things non-traditionally but that’s just not for me.
Maybe a simple pros and cons list would help make this decision easier. So here it goes:
Pros –
Sharing a child with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with
Getting to do everything over again
Baby giggles
Sharing all the baby firsts
It could be a girl!
Cons –
Lack of sleep
Kids are super expensive
Big age difference in siblings
Two kids – two different dads
College X 2
Whomp. Looks like I’m still not sure what I’ll do. Since I don't have strong feelings either way, maybe I won't be disappointed with the outcome. Life doesn’t work out as you plan. Maybe this will just be one of those things.
